I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
