kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My dick has a subreddit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
