i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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