He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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