After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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