omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
