Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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