I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
