im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
