i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I pour the whiskey from now on
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
