i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
