Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
