omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
