Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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