Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
