he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
