I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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