Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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