I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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