Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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