it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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