this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
