i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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