Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
