your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
