I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
