Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
