All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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