dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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