when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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