I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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