Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
