Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
