How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Farmville is her only friend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
