He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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