No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
