We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
