Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
