The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He has the fingertips of a God
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