Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
