toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I could teleport
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize