don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So apparently I’m into choking now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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