three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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