Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
