My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
