I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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