i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
