Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
