she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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