On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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