You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
