I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
