Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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