I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
