I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
