Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
