Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
