You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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