addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
