She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
