I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
