I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
