I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
