If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
