I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
