I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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