Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
