he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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