There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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