hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
