Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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