okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
