why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
