I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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