Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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