I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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