how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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