Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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