Four minutes until I can fart!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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