I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
