if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
